Okay, I promise this isn’t a post just to bitch about “why guys just say the dumbest things,” blah, blah, blah. I really do empathize with the pressure a guy must feel when introducing himself to a new girl. He not only needs to have the right approach that’s just smooth enough without being douchey and forward enough without being creepy, but he also has to make sure to have a great opening line. Unfortunately first impressions stick, and all the so-called rules can be a lot to deal with. Totally on your side, there.
But seriously…sometimes I just want to ask a guy, “Did you just say that….out loud?”
I’m sure I heard some pretty crazy ridiculous things in college (because college guys are the best for saying the stupidest shit, let’s just be honest), but I feel the post-college guys have left a bigger impression. Maybe I’m just hearing a lot of ridiculous things back-to-back, or maybe guys are just getting worse at understanding that a simple “Hey, how are you?” is totally okay as an opening line, but why not take a look back at the best, most ridiculous things guys have said to me — at least in working memory — and reminisce a little…
Is That Really You?!
(Looking at my ID)
Him: Wow, you’re so much hotter in person…
Me: …Um…yeah..I was 18 in that picture. I had some baby fat, I guess…
Him: No, but really…you look much hotter in person. It’s not just the baby fat. You just look much better in person.
Dear God, do you just not know when to stop talking? I know some devil’s advocate out there wants to tell me, “The guy was trying to give you a compliment, give him a break.” I understand that that may have been the intent, but I’m not even really sure. This guy was so insistent on making sure to continue to point out that I just looked SO much better in person than I did in a picture that was six years old. When you’ve already said something that could so easily get misconstrued anyway, why are you going to keep repeating yourself as if it’s helping the case? Comparing a girl to her own self and telling her that one version is SO much better looking? That’s not a compliment, and now you sound like an ass…three times over.
Don’t Be So Uptight, Okay?
(Text before meeting up for the first time)
Him: I’ve been having a hard work week, so you have to promise not to be uptight and be laid back.
Who, in his right mind, thinks this is a totally casual, perfectly okay text to send someone before meeting up for the first time? He followed this up by saying that I also had to let him pay for the bill without any arguments, so I took that he was trying to be nice in his own weird way? Still, asking someone to promise not to be uptight because you’ve had a hard work week…that’s a bit much, especially when you don’t know each other.
Where Are You From, Really?
(A guy talking to me and my [clearly] African-American friend)
Him: So, do you know where you’re from in Africa?
My Friend: No…I’m not from Africa.
Him: No, I know. But I had a friend named [some very African name] who was from Ghana.
(Did he even make a point?)
My Friend: Okay, but he was obviously actually from Africa. I’m not. My name is Jane Doe.
Him: No, I know, but I just thought that maybe you know where in Africa you’re from.
My Friend: I’m not from Africa…!!
Sadly, this conversation kept going on in circles like this for a couple of minutes with the guy still arguing his point that he had other Black friends who were actually from Africa, so maybe my friend knew her “origins.” (Come on, way to be so stereotypically racist.) His other friends, just so you know, had actually recently emigrated from Africa and had ethnic ties to their respective countries, not just a shared genetic pool with other “Africans.” Yet another instance when I just can’t help but wonder why someone would continue going on and on when the first attempt to say something that could totally go hit-or-miss OBVIOUSLY missed.
Oh, the ridiculous guys things say…