The Confessions of a [Newbie] Online Dater


online dating experience

Okay, I did it — I joined an online dating site.

And pigs aren’t flying? Well, that’s a relief.

People Do This?

I realize it’s 2013 and a confession about indulging in the online dating scene isn’t as groundbreaking as it seems, but apparently I was left off the memo that this is the “new thing to do.” No, really! Apparently people — my age — do this, and it’s totally normal.

I know, I know. Half of you are thinking that I’m some judgmental ignoramus, who has been sitting in her apartment watching Netflix alone on nights when others were out on dates wondering why it’s so hard to just meet a freakin’ guy but refusing to do anything out of the norm for it to happen. Well…I’m not even going to lie — you’re kind of right. It’s just that I really didn’t know that online dating had somehow erupted into something that people just do and didn’t resort to — although I know those reasons aren’t mutually exclusive either.

Big Apple, Big Disappointment

Let’s start from the beginning. When I moved to New York City last year, I was about a year out of college and excited for my new life as a city girl working and frolicking in The Big Apple. All Carrie Bradshaw clichés aside, the thought of being single and ready to mingle in a city where you literally can’t walk a block without running into an attractive guy was pretty exciting. A potential relationship was exciting — all those guys I’d be meeting and dating — oh, la, la!

Except, I didn’t.

How is that even logistically possible in the largest city in the US? I know, everyone and their mom has asked me this. All I can say is that you really need to stop watching Sex and The City because that show is a freakin’ lie if there ever was one.

Dorothy, We’re Not in College Anymore

So over a year later, I’m wondering why in the world it’s so hard to meet normal guys or even PEOPLE to hang out with post-college, and it hit me — I’m not in college anymore. This isn’t a little Utopia, where life is contained in perfect harmony between your work/education and social lives. There aren’t frat parties or campus events where you can run into a cutie and know that you at least have that one thing in common. No, in the real world, you have to do this thing called “making effort.” Damnit.

So, more than a year and a few frogs later, I was convinced to try online dating. Maybe it’s more common on the East Coast, but as much as I’d had my impression that people resorted to online dating because of whatever reason, I realized none were  as dramatic as I’d assumed. I have more than a friend — hell, I have a club of friends my age with whom I talk about my online dating adventures. In some sense, we all did “resort” to online dating but not because we’re spinsters, a bunch of crazies or desperate to get married. We just couldn’t freakin’ meet cool singles living in the city with similar interests who wanted to just date.

I’m a couple months in to this new club, and I have to say it’s pretty fun. I have my own rules on meeting a potential date, and to whom I respond and why. More or less, it’s just like normal dating with a few obvious differences. I won’t divulge too much, but if you are wondering what it’s like, I’ll give you the unofficial Cliff Notes version.

The Confessions of an Online Dater

Take these with a grain of salt, and please, just please remember — I can be really awkward when it comes to dating and relationships (like middle school awkward). It might be of interest to take that into consideration first.

  1. The first message is 10x harder than an opening line at a bar, party, wherever. My rule of thumb in determining whether the guy is a total creep or weirdo is to ask myself this: Did he actually say something weird? If the answer is no, then give him the benefit of the doubt. The first time a guy messaged me, “Hey, how’s it going?” I literally wanted to think he was a creep just because it felt so weird getting a message like that from someone I didn’t know, until I realized that this whole thing was an unnatural process to begin with. This is where it’s definitely not like normal dating. If he or she doesn’t say something weird, then it’s a good sign!
  2. I really hate ignoring messages — like I really hate ignoring messages. I just feel like a bitch not responding to or acknowledging this human being trying to show interest in me. But then I think — he gets it. There’s some understood social etiquette to online dating, and an unanswered message probably means: I looked at your profile and your pictures, and you didn’t interest me — or your message was freakin’ weird (see #1). He’s throwing out a fishnet into the ocean; he’s expecting to catch one or two, and he’s probably not going to take this that personally if his first message isn’t answered. Just don’t be such a girl when your fishnet only comes back with a few swimmers too…(So, I tell myself.)
  3. Okay, I’m glad this site has a nifty messaging service, but I’m going to need to know you’re a real person at some point. My thing with online dating is that I want to use it as a means to be introduced to a guy — not to get to know him. Some people are okay with online messaging for a significant amount of time, but I’d rather not. A handful of messages is fine, but I’d like to actually see you in person sooner than later because, let’s face it, that’s really going to be what I’m going to judge you on. That also means no long-distance. If I can’t meet you, then I don’t want to talk to you — simple as that!
  4. The most important thing about online dating is being comfortable with doing it. It’s different, new and a little intimidating, but if you can’t jump in and just do it with 100% confidence, then don’t do it. It’s a means to meet people; you’re not signing your soul away! (Unless you join the site where they do that…) Don’t feel ashamed to do it, and definitely don’t feel ashamed if you meet someone great from it. Embrace it, and enjoy it!

Have you done online dating? I want to know your thoughts about it and/or experiences!

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Learning to Let Go: My New Life Resolution


One of life’s greatest struggles has always been the ability of letting go —  of possessions, people, our emotions. Many philosophers and spiritual leaders argue that becoming attached to physical things, people and even our feelings is not only unhealthy, but can also be very detrimental to your overall well-being — for your current life and beyond (whatever you believe that is).

Attachment can be like being bound in chains — it can eventually control your every action, thought and emotion, if given that strength. It’s not difficult to recall at least one forlorn lover who withered away to nothingness — sometimes resorting to death him/herself when that great love left this world. It’s almost too simple to think of just one person whose world revolved around riches, beautiful homes and other tangible things that showed his/her level of status. And it’s an everyday feeling to hold resentment, bitterness and sadness when betrayal, lies or failures come our way. But this is the residual mess created by our willingness to succumb to attachment, and all that’s usually left is pain, hurt and, as wise ones often say, an overall unhealthy well-being.

Perhaps it’s the attachment that we should be fighting to relieve our problems. I’ve been working for some time to adhere to this new idea, and though the idea is simple, the act of adapting is a lot harder. For reasons unknown — and I’m sure many will agree — people would rather feel something, whether it be painful or not, than feeling nothing at all. Similarly, I’ve found that anytime I’ve successfully begun to let go of an attachment I’ve recognized in my life and can feel the release and peace from the lack of those chains, it’s a little scary; sometimes I’d rather just go back to my olds ways — just to feel like my old self, and because it’s easier to be that way.

And I definitely have — many times…But these are the things I’m learning to let go (or working on it, anyway).

Expectations

I’ve tried to explain to many people who I have very little expectations for my future because it’s not  a healthy way to live. I’ve been disappointed to hear responses like, “Be more positive,” and the like. Be more positive? That’s not what this is about at all… The thing is, to have expectations and to have hope are two very different things; I have hope that things will be better, but I work very hard not to have expectations. How do you differentiate without having a sense of pessimism? Good question — and one I can’t really answer until you understand the difference for yourself. Hope means having faith that things will be okay regardless of the outcome of a situation ; expectations means feeling deserving of a certain outcome and have tunnel vision for only that outcome — which we all know is never in our hands. That’s the difference to me, and the only way I can be sane and content with the way my life is now and the way my life will ever be, I know I need to let go of expectations that things will always get better; I’ll fulfill all my dreams; I’ll marry the guy of my dreams, and about a million other things in “the plan” I’ve made for my life. Expectations are unhealthy, I’ve found, and I’d rather just have hope.

People

This is the toughest one for me because I love people hard — and of course, not everyone is like that, so it’s rarely reciprocated to the same extent. So many relationships — friends, family, etc. have changed in an instant, and every time it hurts the same. I’ve realized that it’s a pattern in my life, and perhaps it’s my inability to accept change, and this is where attachment has especially really hurt me. I’ve tried to close myself up and be less of a good friend or be less open to new relationships hoping that if and when that one ended, it would just catch me off guard less. The thing is though, it’s not that easy to change who you are, but I’ve learned to [try] let go of the attachment. Loving people but not letting your happiness be dependent on whether they love you back is important to understand because I’ve learned to let go. I don’t have to change who I am, but I can just change the way how I understand the situation.

Similarly, when a loved one passes on, it’s really helped me come to peace with it or — or at least the thought of it. It’s the way of life, and to let yourself be consumed with grief is a tell-tale sign of attachment. To grieve for someone’s death and be sad is, of course, due respect; however, to let yourself die a little with that person is only a way of killing yourself, too. And this is not the natural way of life, otherwise you wouldn’t be alive either — that’s just the way I feel about it.

Emotions

Bitterness and resentment can eat your soul bit by bit, whether you’re harboring bad feelings over failures in life, people who betrayed you or whatever. I’ve found that being bitter and resentful towards the circumstances in my life have only attached me to those circumstances, and the feelings keep me bound from moving on. It’s not easy to let go of these poisonous feelings once they’ve been planted in your heart, but I know personally how unhappy I am when I’m thinking about a certain unhappy situation, whether it be today or 10 years ago, and I find myself bitter or resentful. Not one of us has control over the outcome of any situation in our lives — only the paths we take to deal with the situations, and even those only present themselves in mysterious ways. Whether people are betraying you, you’re failing in life or you’re just unhappy for reasons you don’t understand, I know that — at least for me — deciding to let go of the bitterness and resentment is the first step.

Learning to let go has now becoming my life’s resolution because I know it’s not something I’ll accomplish in a day or in a year, and I’ll probably waver many times even when I’m making progress. I’ll probably never accomplish true detachment because, let’s face it, I’m only human — but hey, there’s no vanity in trying, right?

Love You Like a Love Song: 8 of the Most Romantic Ballads Ever


Cover of "Wicked Game"

If there was something I definitely could not live without, it would be music (also, lotion — really neurotic about this, but I’ll save it for another post…) — it keeps me going for almost every minute of everyday: getting ready in the mornings, on my way to work, at work, shopping, on the way home from work — and even as I write this post. Music is the spark that keeps my embers burning. For me, it’s more than a distraction from the incessant buzz of the outside world; its words, a hypnotic beat — a mantra, even, (if it’s that type of day) pulsating through my body, creating an unbroken connection between the music and me. The song doesn’t have to be deep for the connection to happen, but this is what music is for me.

Given that deep down I’m just a hopeless romantic like any starry-eyed girl out there, there are a handful of love songs that I’ve come to really love over the years. You know, the type of songs that when you hear, you can’t help but just melt a little because they make your heart flutter a bit?

I should warn you, they’re not all happy love songs — but no less, they’re pretty romantic — I promise! Here are my picks for the most heart-clenching, romantic love songs:

1. “Push” — Sarah McLachlan

Okay, I know Sarah McLachlan gets a lot of bad rep for being the woman who makes people think of homeless and sick animals, but forget (the also beautiful song) “Angel” if you can for a moment, and listen to this song. It’s probably my favorite on the list, and the lyrics paired with Sarah McLachlan’s soulful vocals makes for a simply beautiful ballad that couldn’t be more romantic — and happy, for that matter, aka completely opposite of “Angel.”

2. “Back at One” — Brian McKnight

Oh, whatever happened to men like Brian McKnight? This guy was a staple in the 90’s and early 2000’s, and his smooth voice and sweet lyrics make me melt every time. (I’m a sap — told you.) Plus, who can resist a man playing the piano? I’d have to argue that R&B music of this era was the best, and Brian McKnight was in the throne, leading the realm with this sweet melody…

3. “Wicked Game” — Chris Isaak

I’d probably seen the episode of Friends when Ross and Rachel have their first date and get frisky in the planetarium about a million time before I finally got hold of this song. (Yes, that’s where you’ve heard it.) More than this song is romantic, it’s incredibly sensual — can you honestly resist that voice?! But once you listen to the song, you’ll be hooked to the music, lyrics — everything! It’s a one for the books, I promise. This is a song that rarely, if ever, gets skipped on my iPod/iTunes when it’s on shuffle.

4.  “Forever and For Always” — Shania Twain

There’s got to be something said about a country gal singin’ a love song — there’s nothing like it (unless you’re a country fella). Shania Twain is not only beautiful, but her music is timeless country-pop music, and just like this song — it always makes you feel good — and that impresses me much!

5. “Broken” — Lifehouse

Ah, here is one of those sad love songs I was talking about, but I couldn’t resist because it’s a great song, and the lead singer’s voice is irresistible. The song is relatable to a lot of people in one way or another, and you don’t have to be in a million pieces to think it’s a great tune!

6. “Halo” — Beyonce´

You didn’t honestly expect a list of the most romantic love songs and this song not be on there, right? Beyonce´ singing OneRepublic front man Ryan Tedder’s lyrics would have made for one helluva amazing love song by itself, but the music production behind this composition was also ingenious. Who expected the piano, drums and synths combo? The song was a little over-played for a while, but you have to admit — it is one. great. love song.

7. “A Thousand Years” — Christina Perri

Yes, it was Edward and Bella’s wedding song, but I promise that had nothing to do with its place on the list. I don’t even remember the song in the movie (yes, I’ve read and watched all the books/movie — guilty, as charged!), and heard this beautiful ballad for the first time when Christina Perri performed it live on Ellen. Forget the Twilight mumbo-jumbo, and take a chance — her voice, the lyrics, the piano — it’s all very sweet!

8. “Ancient Love” — Anoushka Sharma

To round out the list, I picked a song most of you have probably have never heard of and by an artist that is a favorite of mine. This one also has no words — surprise! There is something very sensual and romantic about the snaky flutes, slow sitar picks and tabla beats that I absolutely love about this piece. If you’ve never heard of Anoushka Sharma’s music, today might be the day. Maybe you’ve heard of her famous family: dad and famous Indian classical musician Ravi Shankar, or her well-known half-sister and blues singer Norah Jones?

What did you think of my picks? Leave me a comment and let me know, and tell me what your favorite love songs are!

Growing Up Sucks: 7 Reasons Why I Miss College Like Crazy


Ladder stile in SnowdoniaIn my head I’ve always pictured school as this tentative ladder we were all climbing — it started from Pre-k and went up to college (for the general population). Some people’s ladders broke before the end, and some people’s got more rungs added as time went on, but for the most part — this was the time line that you grew up expecting to follow.

So, what came after we reached the top of the ladders? My mental picture showed an open, weightless space into which we all took a giant leap and gracefully floated off to our separate ways to take our places in the “Real World.”  (I guess I was a pretty visual kid)

Well, I reached the top of my ladder last year, and I took the big leap into the weightless space. I hate to say that I was right all these years about what the metaphor of school and life would be like: I floated off into my separate way just like my friends did, and honestly — it sucks. But truthfully, it wasn’t that literal;  it’s not that I lost touch with everyone that makes me miss college like crazy.

It’s more like these 7 reasons here:

  1. I actually miss learning. Don’t get me wrong — I  will never miss studying or taking another test again, but when you’ve been mentally stimulated for 17 years of your life, you miss learning something and running home to your parents/roommates/friends and telling them, “Did you know…?” or “Guess what I learned today…”
  2. Going out needs an expense account, and partying will never be the same again. There’s no more conglomeration of 300 people in one huge house party or bar district, and forget about “college town prices.” Everything requires a cab, DD, and/or  triple the amount of money as it did in college.
  3. Everyone is getting married and having kids left and right — or is it just my friends? People still think I’m 15, and yet 90% of my high school friends (and I’m sure soon to be followed by college friends)  are domesticated. I just want to be in college again, when people were too busy hooking up and recovering from hangovers to care about wedding dresses and diapers.
  4. There’s no sense of intense camaraderie or pride anymore. Being in NYC is an exception, I guess, because New Yorkers are hardcore about their city, but even so — I just miss the football games, pep rallies, parades and college events that brought the entire university together. This is when I really feel like I’m floating off in my own space.
  5. The “future” is the present, now. I used to talk about “what I wanted to do when I grow up” and “what kind of guy I hope to marry ” and blah, blah, blah, but all of that is staring me in the face now, and sometimes it’s just too much! The transition between college graduate and adulthood is a nanosecond, and I really think we should send around a petition to make it longer.
  6. The weekends got shorter — by an entire day… They don’t start at noon on Friday when classes are out; they start at 7 or 8pm when you’re finished with work, and even then  — you’re tired as hell and barely want to do anything. By the time you make plans and follow through with them, it’s Saturday — which is the only day working people get to call a “day off” because Sunday means laundry, groceries and chores galore. Apparently, Fridays get cut with the rest of your paycheck…
  7. My friends were my family. There’s just nothing like walking down the hall of your dorm or the street and seeing anyone you want, and once you’re out of college, you realize how much you miss the accessibility of seeing your friends — who literally become family for that very reason. No matter how close you are, the Real World means you have to try that much harder to see each other — and floating around in your own space doesn’t make it that easy to do so…

Honestly, I would never trade in my college years for anything. I had some of the best and worst times, and they were absolutely, ridiculously, phenomenally the BEST 4 years of my life.

If you’re about to start college, take my advice: enjoy every. single. moment. of. it. Even if you’re not the party girl/guy, find your niche and do something that makes your college years some of the most memorable times of  your life because after these times, you’ll be like me — just floating in open space and missing it like crazy.

Tell me, do you miss your college years?

The Facebook Detox Diet


Facebook logo

Social media didn’t explode until I was well into high school, and even then it was a new platform that people were still integrating into their everyday lives. By 2007, it was a complete social phenomenon and had completely changed the way people interacted with each other and presented themselves to their friends, family and even people who barely qualified as acquaintances.

At first, Facebook was an unbelievably effective means of staying in touch with family and friends on a daily basis; it was a great way to get to know new friends (or just to “stalk” them); it even doubled as a virtual time capsule for old pictures and other media you posted. Somewhere along the way, though, it became an overbearing monster that constantly bombarded you with news and useless information about everyone around you. The term “friends” came to mean less when one meeting constituted reason enough to be friends on Facebook. Of course, ambiguity of defining “friendship” meant you had to be careful about protecting your privacy. Your family members, neighbors, random people you met on a night out all became “friends” but in reality – how many people did you share (or want to share) your information with? Probably not even half.

Over time, Facebook – for me, anyway – became comparable to a party where I was perpetually stuck. All 600+ people on my list of friends were in attendance, and no matter how little I updated my status or added pictures, I was still witness to what everyone else was saying, who they were talking to and how much, where they were going, in what stage of their lives they were and so on. You could sit in your corner and be quiet, but the whole room was still buzzing with activity giving you mindless gossip to talk about or unhealthy thoughts over which to ponder. Especially during a time when I was transitioning from one stage of my life to another, and when I was still getting my ducks in a row, I finally realized I had to get off Facebook. I was in serious need for a Facebook detox diet and after over two months, I’m happy to say that it has done nothing but good.

If you can relate in any way, and especially if you’ve been considering hitting that deactivate button, I’ll tell you exactly why I think everyone should try this diet and why it’s chock-full of healthy benefits.

  1. I  wonder less about what so-and-so is up to just because it makes good gossip. Let’s face it – everyone has that one person or two on the news feed who you barely talk to but always find a way to talk about. It’s unhealthy and, frankly, unkind. I feel better knowing I’m not tempted to talk for gossiping’s sake; it’s like standing at the checkout counter and not browsing the tabloids because I’m bored – just less pollution in your head and your heart.
  2. I’m not always rushing to post pictures or update my status every time even the most menial thing happens in my life. The point in enjoying a good meal is eating it, not telling everyone about how “just amaze-balls” it is. Granted, it’s nice to be able to share something new and exciting, but sometimes I felt like I was more excited to post something cool that happened rather than enjoying it in that moment. If it’s exciting and cool, I’ll share it with the select few people who I know might actually give a damn, otherwise it’s not that important.
  3. I am less tempted to turn to Facebook to “inconspicuously” spill my life’s problems. I was always pretty good, I think, at keeping my real issues with people or life off of Facebook. But the real problem is that the Facebook status update box is more like the confession booth at church or a shrink’s lounge chair: it’s inviting, and you know it will reach someone. It’s far more satisfying knowing that your words will be heard rather than taking them to a diary, where they’ll only be regurgitated back to you. Of course, therein lies the issue again – it’s too tempting. Facebook is terrifyingly accessible, sometimes more so than a friend, and it’s all too easy to want to say something you don’t really want to share.
  4. I feel a little less bad about myself. Going through a transition when you can’t see the end in sight isn’t easy in itself, but having a virtual newsletter of other people either doing things you’re not or having reached goals you haven’t yet makes the process more difficult. I’m not a resentful person, and I am more than thrilled for the successes of my friends and family; I enjoy hearing good news about others – but when it’s coming directly to me. On your bad days, it just doesn’t help when everyone’s business is in your face, and that’s just the truth.
  5. It has strengthened my relationships with my closest friends and shown me the weaker ones. It makes me sad sometimes when I see how much some of my closest friends relied solely on Facebook to keep our friendships alive after we moved on from school or other phases in our lives. I’ve always been firm that I don’t want to depend on Facebook to be the binding glue, and now I’ve seen where it was and wasn’t. Some of my friendships have survived without needing Facebook to support them. Honestly, it’s not an excuse in this day and age that not having a Facebook account makes it difficult to keep relationships strong. Text messages, emails, video chats, online chats, phone calls and, of course, the age-old practice of meeting in person are still widely accepted means of communicating, you know. Not being on Facebook helped me grow closer to many of my closest friends, and it’s been nice to be more personal than posting something on each other’s walls.

I’m planning on activating my Facebook account eventually, but I kind of dread being sucked into the addiction again. I fully recognize how useful it is and what good it has done for advancing the lines of communication between people; I enjoyed those benefits for years. For now, though, I’m really enjoying my Facebook detox diet, and I think if you will too if you give it a try. In order to be successful, though, you have to stay strong! Try it, and you’ll see why it’s worth it – even for just a bit.

Let me know your experiences!

The “Other” Credit Report


Money makes the world go ’round — we’ve all heard the saying. The starry-eyed will argue that it’s love and the “more important things in life,” but there’s no denying that money definitely helps the old ball stay rolling on its axis. With that said, it’s undeniable that the matter of money can make or break a person’s life and dreams of bigger things. Most people can give away their financial statuses by walking out the door in the morning: the labels on their clothes, brands of their cars, the titles in front or behind their names. But is that all there’s to it? Is it a show or is it real? What about in the years past – during those uncertain times in between jobs? What are you hiding from the world that a simple credit check could unravel in a couple of clicks by the loan officer?

Credit reports are like a secret log of all your financial decisions: good, bad and ugly. And unfortunately, it’s a cut and dry business: you screw up and it’s branded on you like a hideous tattoo that you can cover up for only so long. There are ways to improve your score – make amends, you could say. But until you do, it can live like hissing snake ready to strike whenever you least expect it. Luckily, credit reports only reflect your financial faux pas and/or your smart decisions regarding money.

Or do they?

Hm. While they may not go by the same name, there are definitely “other” credit reports that follow us throughout life, and to our detriment – these are 10 times more subjective and breed in gray areas because they come straight from the victims’ mouths – if you want to call them that. The truth is, people rarely make decisions or enter into relationships without checking out someone’s “credit”. And isn’t the sad truth that past mistakes and poor judgment do tend to bite us in the rear ends? Many preach ye olde saying, “Forgive and forget,” but is it really that simple? When infidelity, physical/verbal abuse, perhaps a couple of run-ins with the law even are etched all over you and in the minds of others — does forgiveness really allow people to forget?

We all make mistakes — some bigger than others, but it’s a crime often committed. Even if you’ve made attempts to “improve your credit score” by changing your ways, will it help to bring you less shame? Nobody can change the past, but history never goes away and it’s dangerously simple to unearth. Whether we like it or not, people definitely have a tendency to hold someone’s past against them as soon as another mistake is made. We argue, “Well, I’m not surprised. Don’t you remember when he/she did XYZ?” (Like this example couldn’t have come at a more opportune time: Kim Kardashian and her lieu of oopsie-daisy errors…) It’s not really fair, but it does make an argument more valid, does it not?

Tell me, has your life’s “other” credit score come to bring you pain and shame even after you’ve made your amends and tried to improve the ratings? Or on the flip side, does someone’s ugly or even spotless history influence your judgment on them today?

A Real Boyfriend


cartoon about thoughts of your boyfriend

Image via Wikipedia

Alas, there are mysteries of our world that will probably never be solved, codes that aren’t meant to be cracked. While we’re working on figuring out the solution to cancer and world poverty — the makeup of the “perfect” significant other would do well to be scratched off the list. Subjective as anything can be, everyone has his/her perspective on how the “ideal” boyfriend should act and what he should do to be the “bestest.”

Twitter is buzzing with Tweople giving their two cents on what a “real” boyfriend is. Are they relationship experts or are they just set in their ideas? You judge for yourself — here are the thought-provoking words of many on the topic (some were too funny not to include):

@LawCannon (Tony Vital): [A real boyfriend] makes his girlfriend realize she [is] the only one who matters, meaning that side hoes don’t exist, and his past is irrelevant. *(Note: This one has been retweeted 100+ times)

@Ronsmooth (Ronsmooth): [A real boyfriend] is like a real friend, always there when YOU need them, not when THEY need something from you.

@DavidCastain (David Castain): [A real boyfriend] will introduce you as HIS girl, ANY time, ANY place to ANY female [no matter what].

@ThewayofLife_ (Dmvinspiration): [A real boyfriend] knows sometimes just listening to what his lady has to say matters the most.

@MrRelationships (Enhance Dreams): [A real boyfriend] is not only his woman’s lover, but he is also her best friend as well. Friendship is crucial to any love.

@DamienBojorquez(Damien Bojorquez): [A real boyfriend] isn’t a perfect boyfriend, and a perfect boyfriend isn’t [a real boyfriend].

@MRKURTDIGGLER (Lil kurt): [A real boyfriend] faces relationship problems and doesn’t Facebook them!

@Misz_Jaii (MszMeseBabii): [A real boyfriend] will let you splurge at Dollar Tree.

@Tanisha_DaDiva (Tanisha): [A real boyfriend] knows that actions speak louder than words.

@Nemo_SC3 (Got Yo B!%€#): [A real boyfriend] makes other females jealous [of] his girl instead of making his girl jealous of them.

@blaueblumei (meihua ng): [A real boyfriend] introduces you as his girlfriend, not “this is (her name)”

@diondraaa (Diondra Straiton): [A real boyfriend] likes you more than he likes video games.

@MadisonMeatSox (Ryan Kay): [A real boyfriend] disappears when Battlefield 3 comes out October 25th. Deal with it ladies.

@TasteofBlasian (G’Lisa Aguanno): [A real boyfriend] should be willing to wait for you to say when to take it to the next level.

@Sianidior (free ant !!): [A real boyfriend] doesn’t exist anymore…

@xo_adaa (A.S.): If your boyfriend is  [a real boyfriend] you will not need to  be texting/talking to him 24/7 asking where they were and what they’re doing…

So there you go. Words from everyday people hashing out their opinions on what constitutes a real boyfriend. Also, it might be interesting to note that most of these opinions came from men, themselves!

What do you think? Agree, disagree? Have an opinion yourself? Leave your two cents!