Shut-Up! 3 Things Not to Say on a First Date

The rules of dating are mythical, but there are certain social standards every man, woman, and child (hey – things get crazy on the playground, sometimes. Hello – “play”ground…) have when embarking on a new adventure in the world of love. It’s sure to be full of many twists, turns, and hopefully not as many awkward moments – it’s called: the first date.

It seems that as much as we’d all like to tell ourselves that we’re “good daters” – meaning we’re reasonably nonjudgmental,  open-minded, and only a teensy bit vain – it’s all kind of a facade when you think about it. Yes, everyone has achieved convincing their minds of inhabiting these noble qualities once or twice, but who are we to fight our own human instincts that are often not so admirable?

We all have our ideals about  dream partners, and it’s just natural to go with the flow of attraction. What exactly it is that’s attractive to each one of us can sometimes be unclear because as with anything else in the world, our preferences change.

What is more clear, however, are the qualities that are very unattractive – at times being downright repulsive. As much as men and women draw boundaries between themselves, when it comes down to “serious daters” (you know, that evolved breed of humans ready to transition out of the ‘bang-and-screw phase’ to the ‘settle down phase’), there are some things that we just hate to hear because it reeks of a quality hated by all, equally.

This especially applies to the monumental first date.

1. “You haven’t met anyone like me.”

Oh, God — hand me a bag so I can throw — at least figuratively, anyway. When I meet a guy with whom I seemingly I have chemistry with, and we start chatting — this is honestly the last thing I want to hear. Why is this the “go-to” line to pull to convince the person across from you that you’re worthy of his/her time? It not only has no novelty whatsoever, it reeks of an enlarged ego.

Even if you’re not a haughty person and the words are an attempt to prove your genuine nature, this is the wrong line to drop. Try proving you’re unlike the bitches/bastards that have so often crossed that person’s path, not just saying it.  These words are an empty promise and worthy of the simultaneous eye-roll/scoff. Plus, I’m pretty sure I have met someone like you because I have heard that lame line before.

2. “My ex was such a *bleep*”

While this may very well be true, this seriously isn’t the time. Ranting about how horribly you were treated or how badly you were screwed over by your last lover, again, sends more than one signal to your date. Firstly, you don’t seem to be over it, and you may not be ready to date; there seems to be a lot of baggage still. Baggage is okay to an extent because it’s kind of inevitable — I mean, who doesn’t have some? But to unload it on someone you have no close ties with only sets you up for more hurt when you realize — hey they don’t give a crap!

And nevermind the fact that you’re probably scaring him/her off by badmouthing someone you obviously had intimate relations with. Is what you’re saying even completely true? You’re hurt, obviously. So, you could just be [temporarily?] crazy too…(maybe not, but remember how we talked about people being naturally judgmental — yeah that’s probably what your date’s uncomfortable expression is about).

3. “I make $x/year”

Woah, woah — money talk is never a good idea. I think it should be pretty obvious what your income is like if you’ve talked about your current job — and depending on where you’re dining (if you’re the guy). Hearing a guy tell you he makes “only $xxx,xxx” goes back to the vanity thing. Money isn’t the way into a girl’s heart (or pants, if she’s got some standards), contrary to popular belief. Having a job you love and work hard at is 100x more attractive, and it’s the same on the flip side.

Men hearing about women’s income can be equally uncomfortable. If she makes more, he may be intimidated and turned off before he even gets to know you. As much as you can try to hate a man for this — it’s just natural. Historically, men are the providers and instinctively he’ll feel challenged.

Hearing about someone making a very small income is just awkward. What do you expect the other to say — “Oh, that sucks. I’m sorry…”? Why are you talking about money anyway on a first date?

What are your no-nos on a first date?


3 thoughts on “Shut-Up! 3 Things Not to Say on a First Date

  1. A well thought out and written piece, thank you.
    I would offer “plans” as another problematic subject. I’ve been confronted with a diatribe about how and when she’s going to do this and that and then….I come to the conclusion there’s no room for anyone else in her life already!
    Physical contact is another. Too familiar, too soon is a no-no. Both parties have to ease into any touch: there’s a lot of body language to be sent and received first.
    thanks for posting

    • Thank you for commenting and your kind feedback!

      And I agree about the physical contact thing, but that’s a toughie. Who makes the first move? Girls always want the guys to, but guys sometimes complain about the pressure. That’s a sticky situation altogether.

  2. Pingback: You’re Thinking It — Don’t Lie! 10 Funny Things We All Agree On | A Metaphorical Mind

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