What [You Think] a Girl Wants


For millions of years, there have always been those in the world who have proclaimed themselves to be “love experts.” They come in all forms: whether they’re your best friends, parents, therapists, or favorite authors – there is always someone out there promising to lead you down the path to true love (or at least hot sex).

What a joke, though! It’s probably a more well known fact that the jig is up, and we are all very well aware that there is no secret to love. Alas, it is more comforting to believe that the reason behind the lonely nights is simply because we haven’t found a love potion that works, and it’s only a matter of time before we do…right? Hm, the delusional world is a happier place.

That won’t stop the lessons though, and the cliches – oh the cliches! Women want this; women like that; women really get hot over this…Seriously, though – is any of this BS true?

There are so many stereotyped qualities about what women want that it’s hard to keep up sometimes. They’re not 100% false, but many do beg for an exasperated “Come on!” at the suggestion that we, women, actually look for this stuff when on the hunt for love. Men, take note: I’m not giving you the secret to love, but at least you might rest easy that a lot of this stuff is a bunch of bologna.

What [you think] a girl wants: A man who cries.

Um, look…I’m hoping I can find a man who doesn’t have a heart made of tin, and will shed a tear should I keel over one day, but even I don’t cry waterfalls at the sight of puppies and babies. I don’t know any girl who wants a man with overactive tear ducts, so put away the eye drops and stop faking it – there’s really no need.

What [you think] a girl wants: Lots of expensive gifts.

Obviously, who doesn’t like presents? But there is such a thing as overkill. Flowers everyday, frequent expensive jewelry and trips to the spa (are great, duh. Just kidding…) give the impression that you’re just a big showoff and are more adept to using money than your feelings. Try something more organic if you want to be sweet – something that doesn’t scream Hugh Hefner-wannabe (because that’s repulsive on many levels), and you’ll be surprised at the appreciation you’re returned. Should I insert a suggestive *wink* here, so you really understand?

What [you think] a girl wants: To see the jealous, ‘protective’, angry boyfriend side

Okay, I guess I can’t speak for the slightly twisted girls who enjoy playing games with their men, but this type of child’s play is just not on the agenda for making love happen. Every girl wants to feel safe with her man and to know that he has an instinctive animalistic desire to protect her from harm, but that’s about it. Seeing a guy flip out over every “Hello” made to another man is a major turnoff, and acts as an early warning sign that you are super possessive and even a bit scary. Putting on the macho-man show can be endearing (especially if you’re not a big guy) because it can be indicative of your feelings, but again — keep in mind that women know how to wear pants nowadays, too.

What [you think] a girl wants: A lot of attention.

Why do guys think that it’s always the girls who crave attention, and they’re the hardasses who “need space”? Come on, boys – wake up. We’re not really interested in including you during our sex talks and boy-bashing parties. (Just kidding, we do more than that.) So, it’s perfectly alright if you don’t text us for a couple of hours or leave five wall posts to come back to. Just like boys enjoy kicking back in all their raucousness to pass gas and enjoy each others’ vulgar company if not to watch ESPN for a solid two hours alone, women want some time to do similar things (but maybe not to pass gas, but maybe to just vote for the worst pooter…) So, just leave us alone and stop suffocating us — jeeze!

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14 thoughts on “What [You Think] a Girl Wants

  1. Despite liking doing exactly “enjoy kicking back in all their raucousness to pass gas and enjoy each others’ vulgar company if not to watch ESPN for a solid two hours alone,”
    You have just stereotyped all men in exactly the same way that prompted your exhasperated post about what all(or not) women like/want…

    Just saying… 😀

  2. haha nicely done! i’m glad i got into every relationship i ever had without assuming anything. i know women are this and that, but the truth is, you are more complex creatures than we men can ever understand. you say you want this, but then you want that. the best way for any guy to keep a woman is to just not assume anything and just be themselves. oh i don’t really know, that’s hos i kept my girlfriend for five years i guess. i cried when i felt like crying, i gave her gifts that i felt would make her happy, i protected her from anything she told me she couldn’t handle, and i gave her enough space. i listen to her. that is it.

    • Which all anyone really wants! Honestly, most “love experts” try to draw lines between what women and men want in relationships and it really comes down to the same thing! Who doesn’t want to be love and be loved; be happy and make their partner happy? It’s all pretty basic stuff, I think!

      • exactly! we just want to love and be loved and would want to be happy and make our partner happy. i think the most basic thing to have in order to stay in a relationship is to listen instead of making assumptions.

  3. Lolol, @ a man who cries at puppies and babies. That sounds awful. IMO, a lot of girls seem to like a funny guy who lightheartedly teases them now and then (and at least isn’t terrible looking physically). Unfortunately, a big chunk of guys are playful jerks. Girls interpret their type of humor and behavior as teasing when it’s really just camouflaging the fact that they’re jerks. Then when the dude crosses a line and gets in trouble with the girl, he turns it around and makes the girl feel like whatever happened is her fault, and she’s just completely stuck in his trap. Smart girls can easily spot those kinds of guys, but no offense, some girls are duuummb and need the smart girls to help them out.

    And when I say “funny guy” I mean funny to the girl he’s with. Everyone’s funny to someone, so as vague and simple a saying it is, the whole “Be yourself” thing seems like the best approach.

    But what do I know. I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school. I don’t meet any girls in my major, and I don’t really have time for much outside my major.

    • I agree about the “funny guy” stunt. The thing is that girls don’t like to be told they’re making a wrong decision about a guy – even from their friends. And if a guy is there being good to her – how can she refuse? It’s a vicious cycle that never ends of love and hate, and the love always sucks someone back in.

  4. Nice list! I would add:

    -Guys who say “I love you” when they barely know you. Creepy.

    -Guys who brag about their lack of girlfriends/sexual experience because they want to prove they are a “serious guy” and not a player. There is some middle ground-find it! No girl wants to be puppy-training past the age of 20!

    • Not at all! Totally fine 🙂 I liked your additions as well, although I’ve never come across a guy who bragged about his sexual experiences to look SERIOUS. But I see what you’re talking about..the whole “nipping it in the bud will make me look mature” effect!

      And thanks for reading, come back for more! 🙂

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