Freshman Life 101

Having reached the monumental milestone in my life of being a college graduate, I have become rather nostalgic of my days as a ‘coed’ recently. I realize that the amount of time I have in my days of unemployment that isn’t devoted to eating and sleeping is very little – but somehow I do find time to think. Amazing it is, I know. Please don’t blow up my head too much by your awe.

Next week, I’ll be speaking with future Longhorns at a panel seminar being held in my neck of the woods (literally – I live in East Texas – we actually live in the woods…).  I love to teach, and there’s no better way to do it than by sharing personal experiences (whether they were mine or ones I was lucky enough to witness) to enlighten naive minds. Unsurprisingly, there are few incoming freshmen to admit their naivete, but there are more than a handful of things that they should understand before embarking on their college lives

There’s nothing wrong with being a fish; and there’s no way around moving up the college-ladder without being one, but it would behoove you to avoid calling attention to being one. There are at least a few sure-fire ways that you’ll have upper-classmen heads shaking knowingly of your young, inexperienced ways when you…

  1. Look excited on your first day of classes. The Facebook statuses and events chock-full of enthusiastic countdowns for “Back2School” were about alcohol and the mistakes that would be made with it – not study groups and tests you will inevitably fail.
  2. Walk around with an actual paper map of the campus. Pull out that iPhone that’s permanently attached to your hand anyway, and wipe off the “I’m the new kid, and I’m lost.” announcement that’s blatantly etched on your forehead. GoogleMap it if you have to. Hell, text yourself instructions to “turn left at big, red building and right at huge black statue, until you see the rose bushes…” or whatever . PUT AWAY THE MAP!
  3. Get drunk at a club and throw up all over the bouncer – then apologize by telling him it was your first time drinking that much, and how you can’t believe your fake ID actually worked…
  4. Assume the Freshman 15 is an urban legend. Watch that ‘myth’ bite you in your magically enlarged ass in about 2 months.
  5. Tell people proudly it’s your first year. Did #1-4 mean nothing to you?  You’re going to have to improve your reading comprehension skills if you want to make it to your next year, really.

I’m curious to know from my college graduated readers, what other common mistakes do you guys think freshmen make to royally screw themselves over their first year?


One thought on “Freshman Life 101

  1. Pingback: Growing Up Sucks: 6 Reasons Why I Miss College Like Crazy | A Metaphorical Mind

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