Outsiders know Austin as the capital of Texas and the home of the loud, proud, and party-hardy Longhorns. Austinites, however, will tell you a few more notable distinctions about this “weird” city. If you’ve never been to the city then there are some things you should know — and if you’re one of the elite crowd that calls itself Austinites, laugh along. Read on, and become a weirdo yourself.
- Calling people weird here is only a compliment to our city’s pride. Haven’t you seen the shirts?
- Don’t stare so much at the tattoos, piercings and crazy hair. And when you’re caught, don’t pretend like you weren’t looking. Pretend like you think it’s cool and walk on — you’re really only embarrassing yourself.
- The chances of you getting onto the E-Bus from 6th Street are about the same the Titanic passengers had for getting in a lifeboat. The risks of trying — also about the same. Get ready for a terrifying show.
- Yes, trailer food is made in a trailer. It’s pretty explanatory, people.
- When you get a ticket for your drunken antics from a cop on a horse, you’re just drunk, not tripping. They’re real, promise.
- Mopac is Loop 1. Loop 1 is Mopac. Sorry, that’s our bad.
- Oh, that guy in the thong? That’s just Leslie. He was almost our mayor — say hello!
- Pronounce “Guadalupe” and “San Jacinto” authentically in Spanish, and we’ll know you’re from out of town.
- If the cars are parked the opposite way you’re driving — take it as a sign that you’re about to really piss off someone who knows what a one-way is.
- No matter what the season, A&M and OU always suck.
- Longhorn Lovin’ (beautyandthepitch.com)