Outsiders know Austin as the capital of Texas and the home of the loud, proud, and party-hardy Longhorns. Austinites, however, will tell you a few more notable distinctions about this “weird” city. If you’ve never been to the city then there are some things you should know — and if you’re one of the elite crowd that calls itself Austinites, laugh along. Read on, and become a weirdo yourself.

1. Calling people weird here is only a compliment to our city’s pride. Haven’t you seen the shirts?
2. Don’t stare so much at the tattoos, piercings and crazy hair. And when you’re caught, don’t pretend like you weren’t looking. Pretend like you think it’s cool and walk on — you’re really only embarrassing yourself.
3. The chances of you getting onto the E-Bus from 6th Street are about the same the Titanic passengers had for getting in a lifeboat. The risks of trying — also about the same. Get ready for a terrifying show.
4. Yes, trailer food is made in a trailer. It’s pretty explanatory, people.
5. When you get a ticket for your drunken antics from a cop on a horse, you’re just drunk, not tripping. They’re real, promise.
6. Mopac is Loop 1. Loop 1 is Mopac. Sorry, that’s our bad.
7. Oh, that guy in the thong? That’s just Leslie. He was almost our mayor — say hello!
8. Pronounce “Guadalupe” and “San Jacinto” authentically in Spanish, and we’ll know you’re from out of town.
9. If the cars are parked the opposite way you’re driving — take it as a sign that you’re about to really piss off someone who knows what a one-way is.
10. No matter what the season, A&M and OU always suck.

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• Longhorn Lovin’ (beautyandthepitch.com)